Day 72: The Light That We See

Everyone once in a while you go through an experience that's entirely new to you. It might have been an intentional excursion into the unknown: going on a road trip, choosing a new entree at an old restaurant, starting a blog for the first time. Or it could have been completely forced upon you: giving a speech, getting into a car crash, getting attacked by a bear in the middle of the woods. It could be a little bit of both. Sometimes you choose something and it ends up going in a completely and totally different direction than you expected. Sometimes you didn't choose it at all, but you decide to run with it and see where it takes you.

These are all scenarios that happen to everyone everyday. And they're all good for us. Builds character. The old cliched saying tells us that "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Except being attacked by a bear. That might severely weaken you for a while. Although I guess eventually you'll be more wary of bears in the future.

Am I saying I just got metaphorically attacked by a bear, you ask? Maybe. Was it intentional, you ask? When was the last time someone intentionally let themselves be attacked by a bear? That's dumb. Of course it wasn't intentional. Am I rolling with it anyways, you ask? Sure, I have no choice. Might as well attack the bear in retaliation. That's why God gave us hands.

It's all just details now
And those will fade with time
Soon I'll be nothing but a memory to you

Song: "Under My Skin" by Skillet. Is pop-industrial a genre of music?

Day 71: Team Jacob

The sea cucumber decided to journey up the side of the aquarium today. It was more exciting than you think.

While I was out bandying around town looking for a job, I ran into my old roommate Kevin. At a Burger King of all places. The craziest things happen in real life. We got some Whoppers and spent some time catching up. It was more exciting than you think.

When I got home I played some FIFA '10 with my friend Lee. I blame my artificially unintelligent goalie for the sickening 9 - 2 defeat my team suffered today. It was about as exciting as it sounds.

After everything that happened
The best thing I can say
The only thing I'll say
Thanks for all the memories.

Song: "The Attic" by Fair. Indie pop.

Day 70: Lair

Snake works hard for the money. Achilles lives in eternal redness (as shown in the picture), and he's the king of his domain. Anything that falls into his cage is immediately shown who's boss. He ate this rat starting at the tail, which I assume is the least tasty part - although the entire thing looks completely unappealing. I dunno if I'd ever have a snake for a pet, but they're definitely fascinating creatures and it's crazy to watch them do their thing.

Growing up takes guts
And maybe I don't have enough
And change is faraway
But you make it look easy.

Song: "Natalie Portman" by Team Sleep. No idea why they named the song that, but when a song sounds this good, I'm in no position to offer criticism. Airy dreampop carried by a somber electric guitar riff.

Day 69: The Ones We'll Remember

Saw "The Goonies" for the first time today. Pretty funny movie, although the deformed giant was a little random. Sean Astin looked like a hobbit even when he was ten years old.

I wonder what the "classic" movies will be for kids growing up today. The 80s had the Goonies, my generation has The Sandlot. What are these millennium kids gonna have?

I fear for them, because I can't think of a single movie!

Stand unrestrained
And watch the planes fly away
And when everything else here proves false
Your spirit still holds true

Song: "Gravity" by The Fold. Pretty much a perfect pop rock song. Catchy chorus, fun and energetic sound.

Day 68: Burning Embers

Lee got hit by a girl and started bleeding uncontrollably. I told him I'd put it in the blog so that he can remember this day forever.

He's gonna thank me later.

Like embers burning red like fire
Nasal passages deterred with liquid
Go to a doctor,
A girl beat you up.

Song: tinysong is down right now, I'll have a link up soon. "Lithium" by Nirvana. Grunge rock.

Day 67: Some Kind of Master

Don't worry. I've got some ideas.

To think that anyone would find us unappealing
Unintelligent or unattractive.
Never! It cannot be.
We are all so clever.

Song: "Shadows" by Red. Alternative/symphonic hard rock.

Day 66: The Looking Glass

Sorry this is so late. Internet has been pretty crappy at the apartment these past few days. Even plugging into the wall hasn't given any reliable results.

Pretty sure I have a bug bite on my stomach. I am intrigued.

I tried a lot of different approaches for this shot, and this is the one that I think came out the best, but it still isn't exactly what I was going for. Sometimes a photo works a lot better in my head than it does in practice. But it's still kinda cool. I might revisit the concept at a later date. I've still got 299 days to kill.

Sometimes we're alone
to show just how far we can go
It's not a reason, not a rhyme
Just, sometimes.

Song: "Emotion" by subseven. Emotionally-charged pop punk with hints of post-hardcore.

Day 65: Nostalgiatown

As I was cleaning out some of my old stuff I took a moment (a lot of moments, actually) to look through everything and reminisce. There was a lot of neat - and weird - stuff in my memory stash: notebooks, my youth group leader pass, game balls... binoculars... But through all of these I had a grand time just appreciating all the different experiences I've had in life.

There were some polaroids of my crazy camp days back in middle school. I've got nothing but fond memories of my time at Camp Winona. That one time when that kid Matt pretended to be demon possessed while we were all trying to sleep in the tent. Eating half-cooked steak kabobs as our campsite flooded from the downpour of rain. Getting lost on the canoe trip and Tony constantly splashing water into the canoe with his paddle.

Nothing but fond memories. It was just me, my jean shorts, my baseball cap, and my stubble-free face. Life was good.

I also found a stash of birthday cards from my fifteenth birthday. It was cool to see who took the time to send me a card that year, and it was also really cool to realize that I'm still good friends with most of them.

I also found the manuscript of a novel I had been working on my last year of middle school. Holy crap. I laughed while reading most of it, because it was ridiculous, but I wrote enough for a good sized novel. I gave myself a pat on the back for the effort. Too bad none of it is salvageable, but it was a great learning experience nonetheless. But man, what was I thinking.

In a way, maybe this blog will someday be a nostalgia trip for me. I can look back at these entries and smile at all the stuff that happened to me this year. And when Future Josh reads this particular entry, I'll get the added bonus of reminiscing about all this really old stuff all over again.

You're the queen of the could-have-been's

The wishing winds

It all begins

And then it ends

with violins

Song: "Recovering the Satellites" by Counting Crows. Nostalgic post calls for a nostalgic soundtrack. One of the Crows' more under-appreciated songs, it's a pretty chill jam. Adam Duritz is one of those guys that I could just listen to for forever and there's always a heartfelt emotion invoked there.

Day 64: On Her Feet/ Happy Words

Some dude named Joseph Addison apparently once said that "The three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for." Well, I think I've finally found my "something to hope for."

Night vision!

I have now found happiness in this life.

It's always gonna be inside
But tonight, it crept right by
I slept right through
The disaster that created you

Song: "Since I Left Your World" by Rookie of the Year. Soft indie pop.

Day 63: While I'm At It

This is Bryan Dubno, doing what he does best.

I need to get new strings for my guitar, the ones I have are worn out and empty sounding. As I've discovered though, picking a set of strings is a very important decision, and isn't always cheap. Last time I let the "experts" pick a brand for me and I wasn't very happy with the results.

While I'm at it I should get a better amplifier so I can plug it in for maximum groove. And a new guitar strap would be nice... and while I'm at it I should get a new iPod that actually works so that I can play along with music. The iPod I have right now is little more than a brick and a paper weight, it won't sync up my library. It can't even take pictures. Speaking of taking pictures I'd like to get a new camera while I'm at it, with spiffy features and better resolution. And my car needs air conditioning, I should get that fixed. While I'm at it.

Huh. I guess I should get a lot of new things.

TOO BAD I'M POOR

More than anything I wanted to believe, but isn't that
the catch.
The truth always seems graver than
the lie.

Song: "Made of Stone" by Envy on the Coast. Admittedly, I don't like a lot of Envy's work, especially their first album. But they introduced a cool southern tinge to some of their more recent music, and I think this track in particular is a pretty inspired tune.

Day 62: Sulker

This is Ike, listening to his favorite song. He's mean, but in a nice way. We kind of have a love hate relationship, I love him and he hates me. But it's okay. Sometimes Ike will bite me or swat at my leg and I'll retaliate by body slamming him. He's really not that strong, and I don't mean to brag but I easily overpower him. Ike has never won a fight against me. I'm awesome.

However, it's all an act. When nobody else is home and watching, he's actually really nice to me. He'll come up to me and beg for me to pet him, interrupting whatever else I'm doing because it's clearly not as important as he is. He rubs up against my feet and I swear, sometimes he smiles at me.

Then when somebody else walks into the house he'll slap my face and run away, like a little punk.

He also really loves food and he's monstrously fat.

She's sorry about how it all turned out
But she's not about to change
Not about to end the pain

Song: "Cut and Move" by Day of Fire. A blistering post-grunge rocker. If the ending of this song doesn't get you fired up, I don't know what will.

Day 61: Legacy

Today was the going away party for two of my good friends, Rebecca and Christine Graley. Rebecca is going off to school at UCF and Christine is shipping off with the army. I'm so proud of both of them and I'm grateful that I've been given the opportunity to be their friend.

The party was a good mix of old friends and people I've never met before. Some of these people I haven't seen in four or five years and it was awesome to be able to catch up with them. Others I just met today and it was fun getting to know them as well. And there was good food, which never hurts. Mmm, ribs.

They can't teach courage in a classroom
Or patriotism or pride
Or kindness, strength, and genuineness
These virtues you possess.

Song: "Shine On" by Needtobreathe. Although I can appreciate the country folk sound that they've cultivated on their newer releases, I can't help but miss the days when Needtobreathe were just a very fine southern rock band, when they had catchy light rock gems such as "You Are Here" and this song.

Day 60: Everything I Need is in the Back of My Car

Weather was fierce on the interstate. If it wasn't pouring, then at the very least it looked like it does in this pic. The sky is massive and indomitable. Storms like these show how little control we have over our own world.

I can't love the things you love
Or understand the why's
But know the truth:
I'll never leave your side

Song: "When Paula Sparks" by Copeland. Soft emotive music that eventually reaches a climactic and satisfying conclusion. This song is back from their "Beneath Medicine Tree" days... back when they made music that was actually listenable.

Day 59: The Dying Pacifist

Mirrors are fun.

You step inside as ghosts deny
To gaze at your reflection
One
Word
Speeches-
Moment that defines a resurrection: "I."

Song: "Resurrect Me" by Jon Foreman. The song plays upon a few influences in its sound, including the Middle-east with its sitar, the summer season with its bleak desert atmosphere, and straight up rock and roll.

Day 58: Keep Climbing

For now I see that I was never there
A blinking light concealed
by fabric prison
It was only you.

Song: "Letters From the Sky" by Civil Twilight. Indie rock.

Day 57: The Bright Spots

This blog's most recent posts are almost a complete recounting of the crappy week I've had. It's not that these were the worst things to happen to me, but such a high concentration of bad news and bad health was a little hard to swallow. I'll be able to look back at this week for a long time to come and think, "Wow, it didn't get much worse than that, did it?" But I can also choose to look past the laundry list of misfortunes that plagued me this week and simply focus on the bright spots, the few moments that are always there to prove that the whole thing wasn't in vain. I'm glad I lived this week, just like I'm thankful for every week. I've had some pretty memorable experiences, good and bad, things that pushed me to my limits in more ways than one. I needed that.

I went into the day feeling pretty inspired to write (adversity is a great motivator for telling a story, it seems), but not so much on the photo-of-the-day front. Then I wandered out into the rain showers that occurred on and off today, and snapped this little gem that I didn't even realize I had taken at the time. I was expecting to take a fairly uninspired picture today, but I think I'm more proud of this photo than most of the others I've taken so far. It's one of the bright spots.

Can we go back to the beginning? When all of
this was new and nothing's known
And you were free.

Song: "Half-Acre" by Hem. Indie folk-pop.

Also, this was supposed to go in yesterday's blog but I forgot it. Another 4 weeks of blogging means another batch of songs. Here's volume II, from the second month of the project.

29. For Real - Okkervil River
30. Heron Blue- Sun Kil Moon
31. Let Go - Frou Frou
32. The Birth and Death of the Day - Explosions in the Sky
33. The Thief - Brooke Fraser
34. There's No Place Like Home - LOST Soundtrack
35. Uprising - Muse
36. Headlights - The Classic Crime
37. Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls
38. Four Score and Seven - Titus Andronicus
39. Into the Fire - Thirteen Senses
40. Boston - Augustana
41. Say It Right - Nelly Furtado
42. Astraea - Oh, the Story!
43. Ask Me Now - Blindside
44. A Guide to Marine Life - Falling Up
45. Long Way Down - Haste the Day
46. Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
47. Eyes - Rogue Wave
48. War All the Time - Thursday
49. One of Those Days - Joshua Radin
50. Swim - Jack's Mannequin
51. Changing - Saosin
52. Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave
53. It's About Time - Barcelona
54. Eyes on Fire - Blue Foundation
55. Blue Sky - Emily West
56. Alone - Sanctus Real

Day 56: Stealing Thunder

Finally it wasn't a 100 million degrees outside for once. It was a nice day of swimming, basketball, and rubber ducky water guns. I don't know where those ducks came from, but they're definitely a good idea. Mine had a number 7 on the bottom of it. Normally that would mean it's lucky, but it actually just kept wheezing all the time and acted like it was sick.

Yours is not the first story.
We are not alone.
We do not submit to tragedy.
Progress leads us home.

Song: "Alone" by Sanctus Real. Pop rock.

Day 55: Predictions, Conditions

Pretty soon it's gonna start raining every day. I can't wait, it should make for some great pictures.

And we held the same things in our hands

And we laughed about how we were young

When we smiled

Song: "Blue Sky" by Emily West. Acoustic, country.

Day 54: Fears

I headed over to the Urgent Care Center because the eye issues were starting to get a little too ridiculous. Dr. Wess took his Fancy Eye Machine (pictured above) and poked around at stuff, much to my dismay. Eventually he numbed my eye with his Fancy Eye Numbing Stuff, which felt absolutely glorious. After that the irritation in my eye went away and never came back. I was able to sleep all afternoon until about 10:30 pm. Crisis solved.

Snapped a few pics while the good doctor turned his back. I felt like a corporate spy.

Thank you Dr. Wess for curing my pain.
Although I wish you hadn't flipped my eyelid inside out.
That sucked.

Song: "Eyes on Fire" by Blue Foundation. Dreampop, female vocals.

Day 53: Specters

In truth, this blog is kind of late. I can explain! Something has been stuck in my eye for the past 18 hours or so. I've gotten like 3 hours of delusional sleep. There's, like, a phantom twig stuck in my left eye.

And if you really know me, you know how much this eye stuff scares the bejeebus out of me.

This is most uncool.

Speck of dirt,
lock of hair.
Phantom twig,
quite a scare.
Lack of sleep
It's your fault I hate you.

Song: "It's About Time" by Barcelona. Melancholy pop/rock.

Day 52: Preparations

I didn't go into Marshall's looking for stupid hats, but I think that's what I spent most of my time doing.

Bought a frozen dinner from Target today. Chicken alfredo flatbread melt. Was oh so excited to eat it. Got it out of the packaging and it looked real funny. Checked the expiration date. January 20, 2010.

Still ate it.

Played volleyball at night while pondering what a bad decision it was to eat the flatbread melt.

Someday you and I
will find ourselves
having the
greatest of
time
You just don't know yet, you just don't

Song: "Doesn't Remind Me" by Audioslave. A simple rocker, the verses are filled with fun lyrics accompanied by a laid back, southern-inspired guitar riff.

Day 51: Eulogy

A series of unfortunate events unfortunately concluded with the utter destruction of my Razor. Miraculously (and against all rational explanation), my SIM card survived the carnage. A series of adventures then took me to the T-Mobile kiosk at Edison Mall, where I sweet-talked the sales associate into giving me a free phone for 14 days and then allowing me to transfer my SIM card to a cheapo phone after that.

That's what's up.

The free lender phone actually has more memory space, features, and battery life than my Razor. And it has a full keyboard, which I don't know how to use because I suck at touch screen phones.

The Razor lived a long and full life, though it wasn't without its obstacles and adversity. Last summer it went to the ocean and somehow entered Bluetooth mode for about four months. I don't even know what that means. And when I moved out of the dorms, I somehow lost the back of my phone, so my battery and SIM card have been exposed to the natural elements for a few months.

Despite the fact that it almost never worked, had a shorter memory span than a housefly, and is officially classified as a relic, it will be missed.

Versions of a truth, whispers of the real
Can't tie me down when all I hear
Is lost in sound

Song: "Changing" by Saosin. Post-hardcore rock. Saosin has one of the best drummers I've ever heard in this genre. Unfortunately they don't always utilize him correctly, but the percussion in this song is dramatic and driving.

Day 50: Tailored to Fit

The only thing better than having my car... is having two of my car.

That's probably not true at all but whatevs.

In the past year or so I've come to the conclusion that writing short stories isn't really my strong suit... it's not even my decent suit. It's like the weakest suit I have. Whenever I think of stories, I tend to come up with complex arcs for the characters because I want to give them interesting experiences and difficult challenges to overcome. This generally means all of my ideas turn into outlines for larger pieces of work. I have a tough time thinking about the tight, short, focused narrative that is essential for writing a successful short story. But I want to work on this weakness, and so one of my goals for the summer is to write at least one complete short story, if not more, that I can be proud of and consider to be the same quality as anything else I'd write.

I want to do a little research on the topic, though. So I decided I'm going to reread a few short stories, starting with "The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Connell. It's short, under 10,000 words, but it's got the kind of pace and scope that I'd like to capture in my own short story. Most short works that I've read come off more as vignettes or a dissection of a single moment. But this one, from what I can recall, feels a lot more like a tiny, tiny novel, which seems more like something I'd want to do. I haven't reread it yet, it's on my agenda for the rest of the night. But hopefully it will inspire me and I can learn from it in order to craft my own little story. I'm looking forward to it!

Use, steal, insult and retain
But cut the cord and the friendship fades
And you're lost in fear and despair.

Song: "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin. Pop/rock that utilizes piano, inspired melodies and an encouraging message.

Day 49: Words to Fix

With the letters in this picture you can spell "Fred" and "T-rex".

If ever there's a time for digging deeper it is now
You raised the flag but you left the field.

Song: "One of Those Days" by Joshua Radin. Singer/songwriter. Acoustic.

Day 48: Liberation

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you should never take anything for granted. Relationships and friendships, important experiences, material comforts... these things won't always be there. The object is to remember them, cherish them, work for them, hold onto them. Once something becomes unimportant to you, you start to lose it. And the sad thing is, you don't even realize that it's slipping away.

An alert mind is the key here. An alert mind will remember to be thankful for the things it has, and will do all it can to hold onto them.

As I get older and experience more things, the truth of this starts to really sink in.

The echoes of a time long past
Lost to the caverns of neglect
As a hollow sadness
Consumes your wonder

Song: "War All the Time" by Thursday. Alternative rock, and somewhat thematically relevant to the blog post.

Day 47: The Angry Bean

Jake Proudfoot has been in Cape Cod for the summer but he came back down to Florida for the weekend. So Jenn, Caitlin, and I all went to visit him and we ended up having a mini-reunion at his house in Land O' Lakes. These need to happen more often. I ate like thirteen chicken wings, which is a sign of a good day. Also, I discovered that I'm pretty bad at Pictionary. It was true six-plus years ago when I last played, and it's sadly still true now.

Seriously though, I was asked to draw the Sistine Chapel. I'm no Michelangelo.

Why am I the only one who sees you for yourself?
A clever act,
But you don't need to hide.

Song: "Eyes" by Rogue Wave. Beautifully simple acoustic indie rock.

Day 46: Millstone

Today I kinda felt like this cow does.

I can't always make you proud
I will surely disappoint you.
The good thing is, that seems to be okay.

Song: "Face Down" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Pop/punk with really emotional vocals. The lyrics talk about escaping an abusive relationship, a pretty deep topic for a song that sounds like this. Recommended if you like bands such as Say Anything, Hawthorne Heights, Cartel, etc.

Day 45: Never Fade

Escape is a bad word. Let's call it liberation. That's what I need. I don't want to avoid anything, I want to be liberated from it. Everyone's got their own problems and issues that they want to get away from. I don't want mine to just go away. I want them to be absolutely crushed by my resolve, determination, and passionate desire for it to all work out. This is a test to see just how strong-willed I am. I need to make sure that I pass.

A character derailed
By poison
Or just disappointment
Stealing us away.
Looking back
We're so far away from the tracks.

Song: "Long Way Down" by Haste the Day. It's a cover of the Goo Goo Dolls song but I really like the power and intensity that Haste the Day, a metal band, captured in this remake. Alternative hard rock.

Day 44: Proximity

It's been a while since I've been down Sanibel way, so it was cool to take an excursion down there today. I was worried that the effects from the oil spill had made their way to Sanibel, but those worries were dissolved when I got there and the water was as beautiful and pristine as ever. While fishing under the bridge I managed to catch sight of two dolphins, one of which came as close as 30 to 50 feet away from me. I wish I could have snapped a picture of him but he eluded my camera. I did manage to get a few shots of this pack of manta rays though. There were five or six of them swimming in sync with each other, no doubt hunting for the same fish that I was. Although they were probably a bit more successful than I was.

I need to make sure I get a picture of a dolphin on here before the year is up.

Portions of a whole
Where singularities define.
Step away or step together,
Either way, we're fine.
This is common purpose.

Song: "A Guide to Marine Life" by Falling Up. The powerpop vocals are an aquired taste when set against this music: at times it's anthemic, at others it's atmospheric, ambient and airy. Synths and keyboards give the song an underwater vibe throughout. The sonic textures here are really impressive, and the melody is instantly catchy.

Day 43: Houseplants for Dummies

It's a new month of blogging! I'm looking over all the photos and poems that I did for May, and for the most part I'm pretty happy with most of them. I think both the pictures and the poems improved greatly from the time I started the project in April to now. There have been a few missteps, sure - I regret not taking Day 22 very seriously, and some of the more recent photos have felt a bit uninspired to me. But I guess that's bound to happen during a project of this magnitude. And it gives me the motivation to try and make other photos the best that I can.

The poems, on the other hand, have gotten trickier to write, but also more rewarding. I made a conscious decision to start writing not necessarily to the person that's influenced me, but instead writing about them and the idea of them. It's allowed a little more creativity on my part and has made the poems more enjoyable to write, even though it means they're more abstract and harder to discern sometimes. I'll switch this up occasionally, but for now it's given me the creative inspiration that I needed to start writing better poems.

My friend Matt volunteers at the South Lee County Library, so I drove him there today and then checked the place out for myself since I had never been. It's a pretty nice library, especially the young adult and DVD sections. But I have to say the greatest section is without a doubt the few shelves they have on houseplants. Who knew there was so much literature on the subject? I feel like I should go out and buy some bromeliads just so I have an excuse to rent "37 Houseplants EVEN YOU Can't Kill"... and prove it wrong.

Don't step into the tall grass,
Something there lies hidden.
Don't tread over the high pass,
An illusion of sanctuary

Song: "Ask Me Now" by Blindside. Alternative rock. Their Swedish background gives them a unique and intriguing sound. This was my favorite band back in the day. Listening to their music now brings back so many memories. They haven't released a full length CD in almost 5 years... they really need to get on that.